the man with the broken heart
by CastielAndTheBlueBox
Summary: The night after the fight at the Hub, Coulson and May share thoughts over drinks, and end up losing each other in the process. Not friendly Philinda. Do not read this if you are looking for a make up fic.


_**A/N: LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE. Ahem. So, yeah, this just kinda came to me earlier and I thought... why the hell not. I will warn that there is ANGST here. Like all of my Agents of SHIELD fics... sorry about that.**_

The sense of betrayal was inevitable.

Two of his closest friends, his colleagues, the ones he would have trusted with his life had _betrayed _him.

One to his boss, and the other to the enemies of an organization that until recently Coulson had believed in. But it turned out the agency he'd fought so hard to keep intact, the one he'd have stood by to his last breath, it was corrupt. The whole time, he'd been working for Hydra, the group he had hated with every bone in his body.

So, naturally, he was on his plane- only back and intact thanks to the help of a few, very helpful _SHIELD_ agents- drinking Scotch and hoping against hope that the pain, the dull ache where his heart was (should have been- after all this, he wasn't entirely sure it could possibly be there any more).

When he heard the footsteps approaching him at the bar he didn't turn. He knew who it was, knew the light, quick steps almost better than his own. He didn't look up when she poured herself a drink, and he didn't look up when she sat down next to him.

"I meant it, you know." she murmured, and her voice was soft, though it still shattered the silence like a bullet.

"Excuse me if I don't believe you." he replied with a sigh, voice terse but tired. He was getting too old for this- a thought he'd never let enter his mind until the events of that day.

He could feel May's eyes on him, then, burning a hole in his side. "I..." she paused, and looked down. He knew it was hard for her, talking about emotions, and maybe there was a time he would have felt sympathy for her. But not any more.

So instead, he poured himself another glass of Scotch and listened for sounds in the hallways.

It was always the nights like these when the team couldn't sleep- a mixture of adrenaline and high emotions. But tonight was particularly bad, though he supposed that was to be expected. He wasn't sure any of them would get sleep that night.

He could hear Fitz and Simmons bickering down the hall, and his lips quirked slightly at the sound. It was a nice bout of familiarity, hearing them use words that none of the rest of the team understood as they fondly exchanged jibes and corrected the other. The love between them was obvious, even if it never became romantic, it was more than certainly familial. So hearing them was nice, it was almost easy to pretend that none of what had occurred had.

And then there was Skye, sitting in her bunk, tapping away at the keys. He knew what she was doing too- she was checking SHIELD, trying to get more information on Hydra, checking where was still secure and where was a danger zone. She was always working, always doing her best to prove herself- and it hurt, to know that she still thought she _had _to prove herself, because everyone knew she was more than capable.

Usually, at this time, you'd also hear the punching bag downstairs as Ward threw hits at it. But he was away, putting Garrett in a cell. And that only served as a cruel reminder that everything was not normal, everything was not alright. There was a chance that not all of the team would live past the next few months.

"I have always loved you." he eventually heard from next to him, and he knew she must have been trying to get it out all the way through his contemplation.

"Until recently, I loved you too, Melinda."

"And I _swear, _I only wanted to protect you." she said, and he turned to face her then, the emotions in her eyes raw and real and...

And something he didn't want to see.

"Yeah, May, I know you did. But I didn't need your protection." he finally replied. "And I certainly don't need your love."

He saw her face drop, and as he walked away, he felt the heartache set in again, reminding him that yes, it was still there.

But he wasn't lying, he didn't need her love, her heart, or her protection.

He hadn't, not for a long time. Craved it, maybe, but he didn't need it.

"Why should I let you in again, why should I trust you after that?" he asked, not looking over his shoulder.

"Maybe you shouldn't." and her voice was small, resigned.

With that, he walked to his office, and closed the door, and the previous chapter of his life behind him.


End file.
